Real love for someone is unconditional. It means that no matter what they do or who they are, you will love them. It means that you will do things for them because it makes you happy to show them you love them. It means they do not have to do anything for you to deserve or earn your love. They are simply themselves, and so you love them – AND therefore, you consistently show them that love while expecting nothing in return. That is it.
HOWEVER . . . relationships ARE conditional. This means that even if you love someone, you will still protect your sanity, your heart, your money, your life, and your family from them if they consistently disrespect you or use you or violate your boundaries. It means that you are still willing to break things off with them, even if you still love them.
It is a strong, brave, and free person who can do what is best for herself even if that means leaving someone she loves. She might agree that being lonely is painful and awful, but she will still understand that it is better than living an inauthentic life in the wrong relationship.
Never confuse unconditional love with allowing your boundaries to be disrespected. Never let someone weaponize your unconditional love by telling you that you must do this thing for them OR it means you don’t love them. You DO love them. AND you will not do this thing for them.
It is simple, once you know what your boundaries are.
Having boundaries is knowing what behaviors you will and won’t tolerate from someone – and then standing up for yourself if/when those boundaries are violated. It’s a two-parter – first you have to figure out what your limits are in relationships and what types of consequences you will enact when someone oversteps those limits; and THEN you have to follow through with upholding those consequences. You can’t just tell someone you will not tolerate them lying to you. You actually have to stop confiding in them until they earn your trust back. THAT is having boundaries.
Mark Manson has done a lot more research on boundaries than I have, so go read his article.
THE RABID RABBIT 